whose job is it to make me happy

Happiness

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whose job is it to make me happy

There’s nothing worse when you’re in a relationship than seeing those couples who outwardly seem like they have everything.  They openly show affection to one another, they seem to know subliminally what the other is thinking, they are always laughing joking, but also strike the right balance of passion and endearment.  Quite frankly they make me sick.  They are the relationship equivalent to a the penis and performance of a porn star.  They are the ones that we use as a benchmark of our own relationship performance and no matter who you are, you are always found wanting.

I’m often filled with the old clichés from my parents and others who claim to be relationship experts, “…you need to be prepared to put in more than you get out of it…”  “…marriage is hard work, there are just as many downs as ups, but you need to stick at it…”  “…no wonder there is such a high divorce rate when youngsters quit the minute a relationship gets hard…” and so on.

I’m not naive enough to think that a normal relationship is filled with sunshine and flowers and Hollywood chick flick style romance all the time, but how do you know the difference between a dip, a rocky patch and something more serious.  But more importantly if ever you find yourself feeling unhappy, whose job is it exactly to make you happy.  I’ve heard time and time again from friends who have split up with loved ones that they, “…just didn’t make me happy.”  But is this the rub?  Why should they work to make you happy, surely it is your job to accept your partner for who they are and if you are not happy it’s your issue and you need to make changes?

A quick search of Google will give you thousands of quick steps on how to be happy but ultimately someone cannot make you happy, you can only choose happiness by the way you respond to their stimulus.  How you respond to your partner’s actions will dictate whether you are happy or not.  The saying, “How can you expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself?” was clearly devised by someone who has never been married.  In order to ‘love yourself’ you must first know who you are.  You have to work out your own identity and embrace who you are, your habits, your flaws, everything.  The way you talk, the way you look, the way you are.  Once you have done this you can quite simply tell everyone else who doesn’t like you to do one and never apologise for being you.  So now place this train of thought into the scenario of your wife asking what movie to watch, or what restaurant to go to, or when she asks if that is actually the outfit you are going to wear whilst out together.  Yes you may look at your mankini and think you love it, but the key part of being in a relationship is compromise.  Deep down you know that your partner doesn’t like the same films as you, or sometimes you have different moods of cuisine and you know that you don’t have a package to pull off that tight pair of speedos, and you feel that it is your job to compromise in order to make your partner happy.

But why should it always be you that compromises?  Why, out of some archaic notion of chivalry, you should you always have to watch ‘Dear John’, or ‘P.S I Love You’ or some other piece of fiction that is just going to make you feel like a rubbish husband.  If we have to fully embrace who we are and to hell with everyone else who doesn’t like it, this is me hear me roar, why do we feel we need to compromise all the time.  I blame Hollywood.  I blame gossiping wives and girlfriends pulling out fictional yardsticks of one upmanship trying to outdo each other in the competition of who has the best partner.  I blame everyone for coming up with and settling for the idea that making someone you love happy must also make you happy, but woe betide that refers to the female making the men happy.  I compromise and it’s expected, she compromises and I’m reminded about it for the foreseeable future.

The bottom line though, is that only you can be happy with your lot.  If getting your way all the time makes you happy, then you’re a little bit selfish, but you know what you want.  If making someone else happy makes you happy, then well done you, you will be the envy of every wife and girlfriend and the hate figure of every man you meet.  But for all things that come your way, you ultimately make the choice of whether those situations are going to make you happy or unhappy.  If making that choice is too difficult then I suppose you can just Google it.  My recommendation would be stay single and visit this page Link.

2 thoughts on “Happiness

  1. Some interesting points. I go out of my way to make the family happy and internally compromise on what makes me happy. My partner doesn’t expect me to but that’s how I operate. I need to find more balance, because I tend to exclude my own needs or desires and treat those of others as if they were my own. It sounds quite altruistic, but sometimes it’s altruism through gritted teeth.
    Nice post.

    1. I’m a little the same now, but I’m my own worst enemy with it. When I’m feeling low, I tend to resent the fact that I’ve compromised to fulfil other’s happiness needs. Not in a big serious way, but just a little of the green eyed monster comes out, yet it’s entirely of my own doing. Thanks for taking the time to comment 👍🏻😊

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